I hope my coaching client doesn’t show

"As coaches, we help people figure out what they really want. We do it by asking powerful questions, holding space and reminding our clients of their brilliance. We hold faith for them when they can't hold it for themselves. And that my friends, is part of the magic of coaching."

— Dan Millman

“I hope my client doesn’t show.”

A coach shared this with me in mentoring. I believe that sentence deserves room for exploration. We gave it that space in our session, and it also inspired me to write this article.

I think it takes courage to admit something like this aloud. I suspect many coaches have felt anxious before a session and quietly held that “secret hope” that the client would not turn up. I know I did when I first started.

What might become possible when a practitioner can say this without immediately having to defend it or make it sound more professional?

As I mentor coaching practitioners working towards accreditation, I am interested in the questions beneath their questions. “What should I do when the client shows up?” can sit alongside “I am not ready” or “I haven’t prepared enough”.

Before reaching for another tool, I want to understand what readiness means to that particular coach. How do they recognise it in themselves? Are they questioning their abilities despite evidence of their competence? Is a familiar pattern of self-doubt emerging? Or do they need more practice in establishing an agreement?

Perhaps something in the client’s situation stretches their competence or takes them beyond their comfort zone. Perhaps they are tired or concerned about being assessed. Perhaps they believe a capable coach should know where the conversation is going before it begins.

These are possibilities to explore. The sentence alone does not tell me which, if any, is true. I remain curious.

This connects with something I return to in my work: attending to the evidence before becoming attached to an interpretation. If I hear uncertainty and immediately label it as a lack of confidence, I may miss the practical or ethical concern the coach is trying to bring.

Another possibility interests me: the coach’s hidden hope that the client will somehow make the coaching happen. The client will arrive with a clear topic, respond thoughtfully to every question and reach an insight that helps the coach feel they have done a good job. The reality can be quite different. Coaching can be messy, nonlinear and full of uncertainty.

It is understandable to want a session to go smoothly. Yet what are we quietly requiring of the client in order to feel competent ourselves?

Reflecting on this earlier in my practice changed the way I contract for sessions and longer coaching engagements. I know the work centres on the client. I also recognise that my presence within their system has an influence. My thoughts, feelings and wishes shape the quality of my attention and enquiry.

This is something I explore at length with the coaches I mentor: who are they in the coaching space, and how does that influence the relationship?

The pressure of accreditation can bring this into sharper focus. A practitioner might be listening to the client while also monitoring their own performance: Have I demonstrated this competency? Was that question useful? Should I challenge now? How long have we been silent?

Competencies give us an important basis for learning and reviewing practice. During the coaching session, that internal checklist needs to give way to presence and attentive engagement with the client. Afterwards, reflective practice gives us space to examine our work more closely through the lens of those competencies. That detailed review belongs after the session.

In mentoring, I want to help the coach explore what they actually did, how the client responded and what they might approach differently. Together, we examine what the coach notices and what they regard as evidence. Confidence can then grow from evidence of learning. Over time, the competencies can become more naturally integrated into the coach’s way of being in the space.

One idea I have explored in previous articles and LinkedIn posts is walking alongside the client at their pace. This asks something quite demanding of us. We need to notice when our wish for progress becomes urgency, when we start supplying direction, or when we are waiting for the client to reach a conclusion we have already reached ourselves. We also need to recognise when we become so invested in the process that we lose sight of what the client needs and bring our own agenda into the space.

Pace also belongs within a wider context. I have noticed situations where clients were moving beyond an organisational frame while coaches remained within it. A client may be questioning what success means to them, while the coach continues to organise the conversation around the expectations of their role.

Preparation can become restrictive if it leaves us more loyal to our understanding of the assignment than curious about what is emerging. That is a moment to revisit the agreement together. It also invites the coach to reflect on how they are holding the space and which assumptions they may be bringing.

Boundaries offer further information about what is happening in a coach’s practice. The coach is responsible for their preparation, attention, ethical judgement and contribution to the relationship. The client retains responsibility for their choices. If the coach notices a wish to rescue the client from discomfort or secure an outcome that will reassure them about their own competence, that is something to explore in supervision. It is also a moment to pause and notice whether they are steering the conversation towards what they think is “good” for the client.

This brings me to something I share with the coaches I mentor: create space and rituals around your sessions, including time to arrive and time to leave.

In my coaching practice, I leave space between sessions, journal about what remains from a previous conversation, check my energy and ground myself. These practices help me ask: What am I bringing into this meeting? What needs my attention so that I can listen? What intention or unspoken hope might I be projecting onto this client?

Taking this time helps me enter the coaching space more present and more aware of what belongs to me. It supports questions that arise from what the client brings, with greater awareness of the assumptions I might otherwise introduce.

At the end of a session, I return to this reflective ritual. I journal about any thoughts, feelings or bodily sensations that remain with me and note anything I may need to explore in supervision. This gives me space to process my experience and bring the session to a close for myself.

The same care applies to observations. If I notice a change in someone’s voice or posture, I can ask permission to share what I have noticed. I can explore what it means for them and let go of my interpretation if it does not fit. There is no requirement for my observation to become a breakthrough.

I remember a peer approaching me after watching a coaching demonstration in which I worked with a client in front of an audience. They congratulated me on going “so deep” that the client cried. My peer saw the tears as evidence of coaching skill.

What mattered to me was the quality of my presence: noticing, sharing observations with care and keeping the client’s experience at the centre of the conversation. Tears alone could not tell us whether the coaching had been useful. The meaning of that moment belonged to the client.

For a coach sitting with “I am not ready”, I would offer a short journalling pause. Begin with: “When I imagine this session, I am afraid that…” Then ask: “What evidence do I have, and what am I assuming?” Finally: “What preparation or support would help me respond responsibly?”

The answer may be focused practice, a clearer agreement, rest, or a conversation in mentoring or supervision. There may also be a genuine limit to acknowledge. Being able to name that is part of professional responsibility.

When the client arrives, we can begin by meeting them, checking in and agreeing what would be useful to explore. We can draw on what we have learnt and remain open to what we do not yet understand.

For me, mentoring needs room for both the development of skill and the honesty that makes development possible. “I hope my client doesn’t show” gives us somewhere to begin, provided we stay curious enough to discover what the coach needs next.

When you tell yourself ”I hope my client doesn’t show”, what exactly are you asking yourself to be ready for?