How to tackle negative self-talk
I am to blessed to be stressed
Eric Adams
There are times when even the most positive thinker has negative self-talks, the difference is that he or she powers on and leave them behind focusing on a different topic. Since this takes practice here are some useful tips and tricks to create a habit in having a balanced mind.
Note that healthy thinking is not about going from a negative mind set into a positive one where you only see rainbows and butterflies and you can do anything without preparation - healthy thinking is about facts, being aware of the emotions and that might trigger but not letting them in a driver seat. But in order to achieve that you need to tackle your negative self-talk and then move into the facts part of life. Because in a space of low self-esteem you need to push hard and work even harder in order to create a change. You can read more on the topic here in an older article of mine.
Now let’s talk about some habits and practices you can do on a daily basis in order to decrease the negative self-talk.
First of all make sure you get your intake of sun - as probably you know already his rays have a strong hold in how our body produces cortisol, dopamine, serotonin, and melatonin. In one of his podcast episodes Andrew D. Huberman is taking about how sunlight can help you control your hormones for better energy and sleep. So create a daily habit to stay in the sun (even if it is in from your window) for 5 to 10 minute right after you wake up, if the sun is bright. If it is cloudy increase the time up to 20 minutes. I started doing this and I notice a higher level of energy that I was able to decrease my coffeine intake to only 2 coffees per day instead of my normal norm of 4. On the long run this will create also a change in your mood and the way you face the thoughts process, because the light boosts our serotonin system and that improves well-being and happiness - a great read on the topic you can find also in a recent article by Friederike Fabritius in her ”The Brain-Friendly Newsletter”.
A second thing you can do is a mindfulness practice of visualization - when the negative self-talk starts become aware of it and start thinking of the situation where you were empowered, where you did a good job, when you supported people to reach their goals feeling good about yourself. Close your eyes and visualize the positive situation - be aware of how that made you feel, how your body was, remember what you were wearing - what people told you to praise you. The brain doesn’t know the difference so it will act on the visualization. Change the focus from the doubt to the praise of you. Give your self time - the first weeks are the hardest and even if in the beginning you can not find examples don’t give up. Create a list of the things you are proud in your life (professional and personal). Use it as a resource and keep it with you to have it as a back up if the visualization doesn’t work at first. Visualization is the key in this process - really release your imagination and recreate the situation in your mind focusing on the good. Because the brain doesn’t know the difference between visualization and reality - so by visualization it will create the good response in the body.
A friendly call - when you feel less about yourself - reach out. Call a friend or a family member that always supports you - let them tell you the list of your skills and great things you bring to the table of friendship.
Change the way you talk about your actions and yourself. Instead of ”if I fail I am no good” choose to tell yourself ”I learn from failures”, or instead of ”This doesn’t work” change it to ”This doesn’t work YET” using words that allow your brain to give you time and build on patience it is a small step into self regulation for adults.
In Positive Intelligence Shirzad Chamine talks about Sabotours those voices inside our head that keeps us from being happy and enjoy life to the fullest - and great exercise you can do is when the negative self-talk starts is to focus on a point and keep your eyes there and slowly become aware of how that dot occupies the space, how is the space surrounding it and then return to the dot. Do this exercise every time you feel that a self-doubt, or every time you feel that focus might be needed in a situation. I have 2 clients that work with me on the self-sabotage and this practice really works for them - I tried it during my training in Shirzad’s program as a Positive Intelligence for coaches and it did wonders for me. Even now after almost a year I still use it for my self.
All these practices need time to become a part of your routine, but in time they work. Be patience with your brain during this rewiring into healthy focus on the facts process - and if you need to create a new habit in the beginning you might need to set an alarm on your phone to remind you to work on your wow-ness :)
Photo by Miquel Parera on Unsplash
