Healthy thinking vs positive thinking
”Three things in life – your health, your mission, and the people you love. That’s it.”
Naval Ravikant
In coaching school, one of the topics that remained close to my heart was the discussion about positive versus healthy thinking. I debated a lot with myself about this and how certain thoughts didn't help me at all. And because some of my coaching clients invite me on their journey of beliefs and thoughts that come from within, I said it was a good time to write an article on this topic.
Each of us has internal discussions and based on them we make certain decisions. They prove to be good or bad over time, but no matter - we own them. But the way you direct this inner dialogue has a lot to do with your beliefs and emotional maturity. You can work this in therapy, or for the ones that are self-taught, certain unhealthy behaviors can be identified and they are being corrected. Why would you do this? It's simple: for the quality of your life! Happiness - if you want to use poetic words - has a lot to do with how you talk to yourself and what actions you take based on this intimate discussion. Let's take an example: a situation in everyday life, in which at some point in the day you find that you are missing your wallet.
Where does the first thought take you when you become aware? ”Oh my! I lost it! What a silly/stupid person I am! Now just watch how many trips I will need to report it to the police, they must have used my cards and documents to do dirty things. I deserve it! They saw me when I put the money in my wallet (at the store, at the ATM, etc.). They are following me I saw on TV that this is their MO. I'm going to wake up with the police at my head for something I didn't do.
When was the last time I had it? I must have left it in the car or at home. The first thing I do when I arrive at my car I will check after it. Nevermind I will ask I for money at this point and all will be good.
Choice 1 - the worst-case scenario - is part of negative thinking
Choice 2 - without any risk - is part of positive thinking.
There is a third scenario that stands between the two, based on facts. If yours is here then it means that it belongs to rational thinking - as such it is healthy thinking. And it is recommended that we use it with confidence to achieve that high quality of life - which we talked about a few lines above.
Now if we go further and think about the way you communicate with yourself. When you make a decision that you consider wrong - do you judge yourself and add flattering "attributes" to your persona? Or do you analyze based on facts and what have you learned from the experience so that you can make better decisions in the future?
Or on the contrary, something is always / always / never the fault of someone else / them/him/her and you can't, you have to but you can't / it's difficult, but you will try, but it's hard.
Yes, I get into word analysis and if it's always someone else's fault, you use words like all the time, everything, nothing, everyone, no one else, it's difficult, I can't - they denote less healthy thinking. What can you do?
Start working with yourself and realize what are the habits and the thoughts that are are not serving you. Don't start lying to yourself or when it's someone's fault to take it all on you. I'm talking about a more careful analysis of things, incontestable things, not opinion, premonitions, or "I know!". Stop and ask yourself: do these thoughts, words, actions serve me? Being in your head, let the sincerity come to the surface. Go with reality checks, based on facts.
In order to have a good life with yourself, in which you do not consume your vital energy, healthy thinking (middle line) is a more balanced choice. Healthy thinking is about taking on and identifying the things you use to sabotage yourself. Now let me elaborate a little: Healthy thinking means focusing on the facts, replacing "I have to, but I can't" with "if I can't, then I shouldn't". Consider thinking that helps you avoid or resolve conflicts and achieve your goals. This part will also help you maintain your good mood, physical and mental health. Toxic thinking is where you run away from taking responsibility, you give free rein to negative thoughts, you don't trust your decisions (this is always someone else's fault, this is where the generalization comes from: always, all the time, never), where you get into conflicts because you are convinced that the one in front of you wants to hurt you, etc.
Now the way you run after happiness, or you already experience it and the way you choose to control your thoughts or let them control you is exactly this: your choice! Whether you want to go on a new path that serves your personal or professional goals, or you want to work with yourself, start with small steps for healthy thinking, choose to go on Kaizen (continuous path to improvement). But always ask yourself: This …(add the action, the word, the thought)… serves me?
