How to keep your personal boundaries

The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything.

Warren Buffet

Personal boundaries is about keeping your safe space safe! This is about those invisible lines that protect our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. This is an article close to my heart since this topic was something that I struggled with in the past, and you will see that there are several articles on the topic on this blog. This article was inspired by Nakpangi Thomas - a licensed professional counselor, author, and adjunct faculty at Southern New Hampshire University. She was writing about the fact that protecting our safe space is not selfish - it is self preservation. Without them, depletion, resent and disconnection from own needs might show up. So in order to take care of others one needs to take care of self, first.

If you are now confused about your personal boundaries here are some questions that Nakpangi Thomas recommends you to ask yourself.

• Do you pride yourself on always going the extra mile?

• Do you overextend yourself on multiple fronts?

• Are you exhausted more days than not?

• Do you often feel guilty for not doing more?

• Do you resent others for how needy they are?

• Do you have a hard time saying no?

In case the answer is ”yes” to most of the answers then reflect if you want to work on your boundaries. In the case you decide to take some action, this article is meant to support you with it. So here are ideas on exercises that you can do in order to strengthen your boundaries:

- The ”No” exercise (this is my favorite and most difficult for me so far)
Spend a week practicing saying no to small requests you don’t have the time, energy, or desire to fulfill. Notice how it feels, and remind yourself that saying “no” to others is often saying “yes” to yourself.

- Boundary Journal - this is something that came handy to me and there during a metareflection I realize where I have work in progress
How you can do it? Reflect in writing, each day where did you honor your boundaries? Where did you allow them to be crossed and by whom? What can you do differently tomorrow?
Having this daily exercise will build awareness and strengthen the ability to respond intentionally

- Body Check-in - sometimes I feel when my boundaries are crossed in my body (chest mostly or belly - even now when I write about it - my body reacts on this)
Your body often signals when a boundary is being crossed—tight shoulders, a sinking feeling in your stomach, or sudden irritation. Pause, take a deep breath, and ask: What boundary is being tested here?

- Script your boundaries - this I presented several times on the blog - it is easy and comes handy
Write down phrases that you can use in tough situations, such as:

I’m not available for that right now.
That doesn’t work for me.
Let me get back to you on that.

Boundaries are about protecting your safe space so you can thrive, is not about pushing people away. The process might feel uncomfortable, and heavy, but with practice it becomes a natural act of self-care.

So start small. Practice. And remember - every time you set a boundary, you’re honoring your worth.

Photo: Aleš Čerin