Boundaries - for a healthier you

When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.

Brené Brown

Years have past since I learn about boundaries and how to set them - I still have issues that my early education given by my grandmother of ”not bother others with your opinion” pops up and stops me from telling people what are my boundaries and that their actions makes me feel less comfortable. You know what I mean?

But let’ start from the beginning:

• What are boundaries?
  They are limits that you establish in order to protect your mind, health, wellbeing, time, energy, etc. For example - not checking social media during the weekend more than 2 times per day. Or saying ”no” to activities that are draining your energy or clutter your mind. Or not going out to a place you don’t like just because your best-friends wants to go there and nowhere else. These are not hard limits or a brick wall that once you communicate it will ruin your relathionships - think of them as a tool to take care of yourself. A way to avoid feeling used, mistreated, harvest feelings of resentment, disappointment, and/or anger that builds when these limits get pushed by others.

A good example of how self love can be explained while using boundaries you can find in this Brene Brown short movie:

Some of the boundaries can be really strict or more loose depending on the situations and people. A decision of having only a few close relationships it can be consider part of one’s boundaries, even strict ones. Also find it difficult to say “no” to others’ requests might be a sign of loose boundaries.

• How do I know what are my boundaries? How do I set them up?
  Define what might make you feel discourage, what makes you feel less happy or proud or full of energy. What supports you? What brings you down? - answering these questions will give you limits that you can set up in order to protect your well-being. Be clear about them, be specific and create a framework that you can apply easy to situations so you can calibrate yourself.

• With whom can I share my boundaries with?
  Depending on the situation - it can be with family members, friends, colleagues and even strangers. Just decide what works for you on what situation and what doesn’t and then tell people that this is what you want to do or not.

• Why should I share my boundaries with others?
  If you read some of my older articles you will notice that I talk a lot about healthy relationships and how to build them - this takes time and trust. This trust can be proven by having and offering a safe space for this kind of communications - like when or where or with whom you want to go out or have an activity.

So even if it is a need of your introvert part to have some space, or your need of JOMO (Joy of Missing Out) that makes you create some limits make sure that these are supporting your development, life, mind and soul. And if you feel you want to read more on the topic a great article can be found here.