Lessons in my first year of Toastmasters
”Before you are a leader, success is all about growing yourself. When you become a leader, success is all about growing others.”
Jack Welch
Some days ago, social media reminded me that 5 years ago, after waiting for it for several months, I finally received the Toastmasters’ diploma of the competent leader. At that point I was for more than a 1.5 years in the organisations - and that time offered me some lessons.
This comes after the DECM (District Executive Council Meeting) that took place just a week ago. An event for those who have management positions in Toastmasters. As area director for the second year in a row, I spent almost the entire weekend with 30 colleagues from Croatia, Slovakia, Hungary, the Czech Republic, Ukraine and the Republic of Moldova. And somehow I was happy because the two related events sent me down to memory lane of my first year in this organisation.
For me that first year meant 12 months of fire, because I was part of a starting club, all this after another 6 months previous where together with a team of dreamers we tried and failed to start one Toastmasters club dedicated to those with extensive experience in public speaking and entrepreneurship. Still, in my soul, I think that club is a good idea and on day someone more motivated than us will do it. We practically started the second club by joining two teams that wanted to start on the road from scratch in Toastmasters. After I was initially Vice President of Education, I went to Idest, the second club, to become Vice President of Membership - because the new big team thought of me as being good at recruiting and explaining to people what Toastmasters was all about. This validated for me (again) that for me fixed mindset does not work, I am a ”growth mindset” kind of girl. (For more on the topic read Carol Dweck's book - Mindset)
The position gave me my first lesson - no one will help you, because it's about competition, not cooperation.
At least, that was for me Toastmasters Romania then. Because wherever I asked, I received answers from old members, in a condescending tone "Didn't you search the site?". No one offering to mentor me, help me out or offer me the answer just normal, first they felt the need to make me feel awkward for even asking the question. That's when I realised what kind of leader I don't want to be: like them! For me, collaboration will always take you faster and further than the competition. 6 years later and a lost number of management positions at club, area, division and district level, I tried to change the mindset from competition to collaboration with some help from colleagues that wanted the same - well at least in the clubs I was part of.
I still do workshops or go to midnight events wherever I am invited, being part of a mentoring program of a different district even before that programme went European. Collaboration is the key to growth in any organisation: volunteer or professional. And this was demonstrated in the years to come when the clubs that valued collaboration rather than competition grew while others gave up the 1st place and struggle for air.
Knowledge gave me a second lesson - people don't want people who know things, people want people who know as little or less, so they don't feel inferior.
A quote often said by one of the people who brought me to Toastmasters says, "If you're the smartest person in a room, you're in the wrong room." Ever since I was a child, I have been encouraged to admit when I don't know and to ask questions. I applied the same thing here. But also I always search for people to learn from, inspired me and mentor me - that is why sometime I reach out in Toastmaster world wide - to use this organisation to the fullest.
Nothing comes without work.
You came in this organisation to learn, either it's about leadership, public speaking or anything else - if you're not able to put the bone to work no one will come and touch you with its magic wont to make it happen. I repeated a speech 6 times, the same speech 6 times because I did not understand the difference between the specific purpose and the general one. After a wider discussion with my mentor and the evaluator - they told me that my speech was not the right one and that no matter how much I tried to change only words and tones, it was not a good match for that project, because in fact there were 3 speeches in one. I understood it and split it in 3 speeches for 3 different projects. However, I was marked by my determination and perfectionism to make the same speech 6 times, hoping that it would go well, although I didn't change much about it.
Lessons and reasons to learn are everywhere, people who can mentor you - the same - and if you are driven by the idea that no one around you is smart enough to teach you something - that's exactly how it will be. And now, 6 years into today probably this is the reason I see people in the organisation who are on the same level as 5 years ago, but they blame the system…others…without looking in the mirror or making a real analysis of themselves and what they want and how they can get it - by changing the mindset.
No means no!
When at any solution you have 3 problems - nothing will work for you, neither the mentoring, nor the relationship with the club, nor the people around you will want to spend a lot of time in around you. I prefer optimistic and growth-oriented people, I will not take you out of my circle of friends if you are different but it does not mean that I will come to you every time I have an idea or a project. You will most likely learn about them from others, because I would have preferred to work with them. Healthy versus toxic thinking is something I've written about before and it's also something you have to want to work on in order to change something, no one can do it for you. Remember the hard work? Applies here, as well. But if you stay in the same square, don't be surprised that sooner or later people will leave you behind, no matter how professionally capable you are.
Challenge the status quo!
I wanted to grow enormously in a short time, no one knew how to do that because until me "things were done only one way, and only that way because it's been that way for a long time - legacy." When I joined Toastmasters there was no mention of the other clubs, it was an unwritten law and passed from person to person that you could only go to 3 meetings of a club outside your own, and then if you wanted to visit them more you had to become a member of that club. I asked them to show me in what manuals, in what documentation and on what site they found the information. A careful reading said that you can submit a maximum of 3 projects outside of Toastmasters as long as you had another member of the organization with you to evaluate them. Basically, I could go to any club, whenever I wanted because we were all members of the same organization. Until then, no one had asked for details about it. If that's how it was done, that's how it was done.
Mentoring should not be enforced. That was the first year that I took mentoring to another scale, because after the projects in this area that I had in JCI, now I was doing things more structured and not just empirically. I learned that people can say they want mentoring, that doesn't mean they are willing to work, people think the mentor is there to solve their problems and put his or her magic in your coffee so that you don't work extra. PUF! You are an amazing speaker and leader. Mentoring can be done if both parties are determined that they want to do something in this direction.
Just some lessons? The important thing is that everything I learned that year has remained with me to this day to some extent and I draw from it in order to serve my club, my area, my division and my peers as best as I can! Since I become a DTM (Distinguished Toastmasters) I feel that is my responsibility to show and demonstrate even more the core values of TMI: Respect, Integrity, Service and Excellence.
What did you learn in the past year?
