Book review - Coach the person, not the problem

”People want you to be present more than they need you to be perfect.”

Marcia Reynolds

When I enrolled in Coaching School my most hot desire was to find out how to ask questions. Not the simple ones: how are you? or how have you been doing?. I found these very important for having and maintaining a healthy relationship meaning that you really listen, and your genuine care about the person in front of you! What I was searching for was a receipt of powerful questions, those AHA moment drive questions, or that bring awareness to clients. Those that come from really listening in order to understand, not to answer.

As I was reading Marcia Reynolds’ book: “Coach the person, not the problem” I was kept coming back to my coaching school - when every time we were wondering about the powerful questions, the trainers always redirected us to be genuinely curious and listen on all 3 levels the person in front of us: ”the questions will emerge from there, just hold the space for the client”.

I started this article inspired by the book in order to review it. Marcia is the fifth global chairman of International Coaching Federation, and among the first 25 that become Master Certified Coach (MCC is the biggest ICF certification). She is one of the most inspirational person I had got the chance to meet: tone of voice, phraseology, chosen words - a complete package about how a coach should be.

Now in the first pages of the book I made a parallel to my coaching school - when curiosity emerged about: how can we address powerful questions, what is the secret recipe? We were encouraged to be always real curious and to listen on all 3 levels the clients. ”The questions will emerge from there, you just hold the space for the client”

Marcia is talking in the book about reflective inquiry where you ask a question after you share what you heard, saw and sensed, but the question is coming out from listening and reflection, not from you ”powerful questions bag” like a like to call the list of questions that I used to note them down in a notebook.

Reflective inquiry is about being present and effective with your coaching, and for me is something that works, as a coach and as a client. And I like it because is all about the client’s agenda and all comes from him /her, you as a coach are just the mirror.

The second thing I liked from the book is that from the beginning Marcia draws a clear line between coaching and mentoring. And she speaks about the fact that a coach is a thinking partner, and he/she has the ability to mirror what they heard, seen and maybe felt it happens without taking on the role of an expert and without holding on to the need to be wright. The author’s method presented in the book is powerful and lead to behaviour changes on the long run because people acknowledge and recognize habits that don’t serve them or are against their beliefs and personal values just from reflection that you are putting on the table. And from identification comes the change.

If you passionate about coaching, you use these type of skills in you management or in motivating your team as a leader, or maybe (like me) you are starting a coaching journey (as a graduate or you are looking for a school), Marcia’s book will offer you a lot of things to think about. In my case there are things I already apply in my coaching conversations. Owning the things I learn in school, and other things that I am still processing and apply to see if there is something that works for me, so that I can bring them into a coaching sessions.

I love the chapter about crazy beliefs about coaching! It will go straight to your heart! Regardless if you are the beginning, or you have some experience it will make smile and think! And I will mention just two of those crazy beliefs: ”It take time to be a really good coach” (this was me ;)) and ”Questions are necessary in order to discover and create awareness”