5 things about leadership and coaching

The interesting thing about coaching is that you have to trouble the comfortable and comfort the troubled.

Ric Charlesworth

My feeling has always been that a leader is someone who has a strong personality and voice on the stage. Somehow in my childhood mind, the leader took on the attributes of an evangelical priest seen in American movies: dressed in a suit, head held high, straight spine, strong voice and a determination and a self confidence that you could touch. Then in my professional life I met people far from this pattern whom I very easily identified as leaders. They were concerned with the growth of those on their team, always had time to listen to you and you knew you had their full attention - no suit was involved, no strong voice, no head held high - just a mesmerizing power of presence and humbleness.

These days a quote from Tom Peters (american businessman) showed up again and reminded me about this draft of an article: Leaders don't create followers, they create more leaders. I realized the difference. And this made me think about the coaching process - where we work to empower people, to give them the tools and the beliefs that will support them in their journey, making them stronger and more aware of what their independence requires to make sure is assessed.

Ana - the child saw extreme adoration as a leadership tool. Ana - the adult sees leadership as a way to grow people, who in turn will grow their colleagues on their teams.
Ana - the child though that strength to follow your dreams was give by others, Ana - the coach knows that the strength to follow your dreams comes from inside.

Although I don't look like it, my soul and mind will always be those of an introvert, so when my career steps led me to public speaking the transition was and still is difficult. It's a process of development that still continues today. The exposure of giving a speech can make or break a man who prefers not to step forward. In the happy case - this step forward meant development, change of vision and career. In the less happy case this might create a deep trauma that can affect the personal and the professional life.

There are more than 12 years since a stepped into the light sort of speak. 12 years of a speaker - diction, voice-over, television courses were just the beginning. I learned how to speak with and without a microphone, to raise the volume without shouting, to enunciate clearly and rarely, to breathe correctly, to write speeches both for myself and for others. I learned to love public speaking. Like I learn by seeing other grow to love leadership, like I learn that listening (keeping my mouth shut and paying attention) is a super power that empowers others.

And here are 5 things that public speaking, leadership and coaching have in common from my perspective.

1. Listen without judgment

When you step in front of an audience, you expose yourself. So the question and answer part should be part of the natural process of speech. There will be questions, but the way you perceive them can change the tone of your answer. If you manage to be open and listen to the questions without attaching a label like "she's negative", "she's mean", "she wants to block my development" - your tone and non-verbal language will keep at the same pace as the speech. You are a like a mirror, show them what they are saying, what and if they want to label something or follow a certain path. In that space of not judging people are feeling seen, heard and accepted. And that is one step away from taking the next step into their development.

2. Speak clearly and to the point

I have seen many good speeches. There were also a lot of long and superficial ones - because they were becoming boring. W. Churchill said that a good speech should be like a woman's skirt, long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest. Time is the greatest gift someone can give you, so when you're on stage use it to give them useful information, but don't go into lengthy descriptions that walk them off the subject. In coaching, impact questions are the short ones that mirror what the client said. The longer and more elaborate a question is, the more likely you are to drop the client, and interrupt the process. There is even a risk of having your agenda slip over theirs.

3. Be present

If you let your thoughts fly while you are on stage, the audience will notice that you are no longer there and you will lose them. In coaching, if your thoughts fly or you cave in and listen to your inner voice - you are no longer serving the client. Because your purpose is to be there, listening to their goals on three levels: mentally, soulfully and intuitively.

4. It's about the client (audience), not about you

I said it in other articles and will say it again over and over - in public speaking, in leadership and especially in coaching it's about the client, not about you.

If in public speaking, your speech must be adapted to the audience, use terms that those in the room will understand, have clear and easy-to-follow compositions, in leadership you need to adapt to the team’ speed and in coaching you offer a safe space where the client can develop and search the answers.

5. Ego destroys (ANY) the relationship

Whether we're talking about public speaking, leadership or coaching, ego will destroy anything you try to build. When EGO comes into the equation, it's going to be about you and your needs, and in public speaking, leadership, and coaching that's not a path you want to take.

These you're in a coaching conversation, getting ready to go on stage, or simply talking to someone close to you: give them your attention! We live in a world where we do everything on the fly, already thinking about what to do next. So, pause and be "100% present" for those who cross your path. It's a huge gift you can give!

Photo: @amyhirschi