How to enhance your communication skills?
“Half the time you think your thinking you’re actually listening”
― Terence McKenna
Effective communication is an aspect of developing relationships, both personally and professionally. While the ability to speak clearly and express oneself is important… listening plays a role, as important or maybe even more.
Active listening is a skill that can completely transform every interaction we have with another person - fostering understanding, empathy and trust. As part of the coaching training you learn to listen deep, to connect with the person in front of you to go beyond just the simplicity of words. And I still get ”looks” when I say that 90% of the communication is listening. Than the rest is making sure you understood the other person putting aside labels, believes, assumptions and judging.
Why is important to engage in listening in a conversation?
We hear so much about communication from a public speaking perspective - how to create messages that are clear, articulate, efficient for our listeners. And that turned us in eager participants in a conversation - eager to share our thoughts and only partially attending to what others are sharing. Active listening asks from us to give our full attention enabling us to grasp the subtleties of conversations and establish connections.
Research indicates that people who are engage in listening to a conversation are more likely to build relationships resolve conflicts effectively and be perceived as trustworthy and empathetic individuals. Both on personal and professional level. The ability to truly hear and understand others acts as a superpower, in both our interactions and work environments. Personal relationship can suffer when individuals feel disregarded and unappreciated, while in professional environment can result in errors if people are not taking into consideration the importance of having a healthy communication etiquette.
First step you can do is practice active listening - that isn’t merely hearing words; it's a holistic process that involves maintaining eye contact, providing verbal and non-verbal feedback, and showing genuine interest in the speaker. It's about dedicating your full attention to the person speaking, setting aside your own thoughts and concerns. To be authentic in this process invite the empathy in the conversation - cause this ability is the heart of active listening.
What does this mean?
Active listening with empathy means not only hearing what is said but also understanding the emotions, intentions, and needs behind the words. When you listen empathetically, you connect with the speaker on a deeper level, which can lead to more meaningful and fruitful conversations.
A second thing that you can do enhance your communication skills is to practice "Listening to Understand, Not Just to Respond" (one of my favorite quotes and mottos to live by). Here is the best example that we listen to reply - you meet somebody for the first time but you can’t remember their name because while they were mentioning their names you were listening to your internal voice focused on how you should introduce yourself.
First step is to pay your full attention to the person in front of you while they introduce - and make a habit of parking your internal voice while you are in a conversation. Bring your mind back to the conversation anytime your mind wonders or mute your inner words when they become to loud in a permanent mindfulness exercise. True active listening, involves a mindset shift that takes time, and work, and awareness. It's about listening to understand the other person's perspective before formulating a response, even in a conflict is about finding 10% of what are you agree from what the other person is saying and build on that. This shift can have a profound impact on the quality of your interactions.
What is the next step?
Identify barriers and overcome them - distractions, preconceived judgments, and personal biases can cloud our ability to truly hear what others are saying. By recognizing these obstacles, we can work to overcome them. Like referring from labeling or confirming with the other person your understanding and the meaning you give to their words. Mirror and paraphrase during talks, create rules of communication. Embrace the space for these exchanges of information - shut down TV, radio, social media and anything that might distract you from outside. Embrace mindfulness practice - a great tool to stay present in a conversation practical tips and techniques for overcoming these barriers. Another method is to actively engage with the speaker by asking open-ended questions or offering verbal cues like "I see what you mean" or "Tell me more about that."
Whenever I am in a conversation with somebody and I am at a part that is not clear for me I say it as it is - ”I need more clarification here before offering an answer”, ”for me sounds like ….this….how does it sounds for you?”
Listening is a muscle like public speaking or empowering and in order to make it work natural for you you need to flex it a lot - that means that with any occasion you put into practice everything from this article with your family, friends, colleagues and business partners. Every conversation is a great invitation to improve listening with practice and dedication and turn it into a powerful skill that can transform your relationships and communication.
